Aging Gracefully with the Unexpected
For once I can’t blame bad habits from the past for my bodily grievances. Despite decades of top-of-the line dental care, at the sort-of young age of 53, my teeth are betraying me. I haven’t been exactly floating on clouds of inner beauty about this. I’ve been angry and confused. And in pain.
Three weeks ago I had a molar pulled. So now I have to do one of the following: get a dental implant, a bridge, or a partial denture (called a ‘flipper’- UGH). Or do nothing and leave a hole there.
I know, I am moping about teeth – tiddly winks compared to what people suffering cancer and chronic painful conditions go through.
I’m ticked because I wanted to go on believing in the youthful myth of being indestructible.
If you are over 50, a popular version of this myth is “If-I-do-enough healthy eating, positive thinking, yoga, weight bearing exercises, take the right supplements, etc., my teeth won’t have to get pulled. I won’t ever need to walk with a cane. Or wear Depends.”
I’m not an advocate for sitting back and watching it all go downhill. Rule #1 of The Art of Aging Creed is “I will age with humor, serenity and to the best of my efforts, health.” I faithfully ‘Flail Around’ a bit every day.
But. How do you deal with the unexpected consequences of aging with serenity and humor?
I really want to hear what you have to say. Over the past year I’ve learned what it’s like to age with grace from the kind-hearted sharing that happens among The Beauties at The Art of Aging.
This community is unfailingly generous with a wisdom that comes from decades of consistently choosing to make the effort to love and show up for others.
We reassure one another as we hop, wobble, flail, crawl, maybe even leap over many different versions of truly old youthful myths. We listen, name them, and let them go. So we can create new stories.
Flippers and all.
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I can understand how you must be feeling, anger, fear and anxiety. We as women are constantly told we must be attractive, and losing our ability to keep our mouth healthy has to be one of the worst of the aging process. I wish for you, comfortability, strength, and support, from one woman to another:)
I just posted about my misery with my own teeth the other day so your post was welcome. Here’s a clip:
“All of this obsessing attaches itself to one health issue after another lately. Right now it’s a molar that may be on its last legs. I desperately don’t want another extraction, but the tooth may be broken (is probably broken) under the filling. It’s acting up, and I imagine all sorts of nasty outcomes. They say the loss of teeth make us feel most vulnerable, unable to defend or feed ourselves. No one wants to lose something you can never regain.”
I am not a positive-thinking kind of person. I always expect the worst, that way I’m more often elated than disappointed when the results are in. But acceptance of my age (aging) is necessary if I want to live long enough to enjoy my grandchild and help her thrive. And you’re right — no matter what we do, we will fall apart eventually. I didn’t like this unexpected issue with my teeth reminding me of that!
I, too, at 60 am dealing with the realization that the body is starting to get tired and slightly worn. However, I deal by “working at” maintaining good health. It is not always easy. I am a Type 2 diabetic with a sweet tooth and a closet full of beautiful clothes that sweet tooth has prevented me from wearing. However, I believe that one cannot give up, one must go on and live life to the fullest, whether on a cane, in a wheel chair, or bouncing around on your orthepedic sneakers. Each of these I probably have to look forward to since I was diagnosed with arthiritis at the ripe old age of 24 and the years have begun to catch up with me. We cannot dwell on our physical weaknesses, we all have them. Instead, we must pull from our inner strength and go on in a positive manner. Good luck and God Bless.
What you do when the unexpected comes up, is what you do with everything else, you get angry , cry and grieve for what isn’t then get up and be thankful for what is, in your case,- that in this day and age the Dentist can fix your problem and hopefully you have the resources to pay for it. You realize once again how blessed you are to be alive and reminding us on this beautiful page how blessed we are to have you as we keep aging gracefully and gratefully! Love, Susie
Thank you Susie for your graceful blessings. I am inspired, xo, Sofi
I suppose I am a cockeyed optimist, but as long as I’m breathing and living a relatively good life, I can’t focus on what’s wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my issues, but for the most part, I’ve been very lucky health-wise. Whatever comes, I deal with. I believe I will be fine, think about something wonderful and go on. If the problem persists, I do what I must and move on again. Dwelling on pain makes it more painful. I don’t do it. l like to get up in the morning, thank the Lord I’m still here, have a strong cup of coffee and meet whatever challenges the day might bring. Lest you think I have the perfect life, I can assure you, I don’t. But what I do have is the ability to focus on the good things and the assets I have rather than the pains, both emotional and physical and to be grateful for my strengths and work on my weaknesses. As the song says….”Just keep on keepin’ on.”
Paying attention to the good things, gratitude, working on the weaknesses–I’m singing that song with you. Thank you:D
It must be in the air Sophie! Teeth are indeed symbolic and one by one I suppose we’ll have to let them go, just like we had to let our boobs go – south to be exact! – It is truly an insult and an annoying preoccupation for many of us slightly vain females. After all, haven’t we spent our entire lives thus far striving to be beautiful? When will the indignities end? Oh, yeah, right. Goodness, it’s hard to look ahead.
Giddy optimism and jumping out of bed with a smile on my face are not in my nature I’m sorry to say, but survival has been so far. Sometimes surviving is as good as it gets. Remind me to tell you the story of my husband and his capped front tooth that recently had to be pulled. He now suffers the daily humiliation of popping a painful “clicker” in place in the morning (that’s what he calls it) and talking with a decided lisp as he awaits the time and money for a permanent fix. He was indeed surprised to discover you can’t swish water in your mouth when brushing your teeth when missing a front tooth without spewing water everywhere!
Dental care for our generation has led us to this. Most are not going to have to have dentures but the amalgam fillings have shrunk and contracted one too many times (in my case because of my coffee and ice cream habit) and the teeth crack. If the crown isn’t fit properly the tooth underneath decays and that’s the end of that! I have a space where one used to be. It doesn’t show when I smile so I’m living with it. Suffice it to say, I feel your pain! Give yourself some grace! Once in a while you just have to feel good and sorry for yourself! It’s healthy!
What a great response, you can WRITE girlfriend. LOL- your husbands story!! Thank you Dorothy
For me, it’s my knees. At 52, I have one terribly arthritic knee, and one that was good until I fell and tore the meniscus. On bad days I feel old, but like you, I realize that other people have it much worse, so I ride my bike when I can, and ice my knees every day. I strive to be grateful and see what I am supposed to learn:where this will take me? I know it will be through a door that I wouldn’t have noticed had I been blessed with good strong knees.
Thank you for asking ‘Where will this take me?” and your response-both shiny with hope, another blessing.
If you can afford the implant, it would be great. (not to mention prettier.) I’ve had a flipper for almost 30 yrs. You get used to it, but can’t say it looks great… just okay. (4th tooth on the left.) Swallowed it once by mistake (don’t ask) & had to wait for it to ‘come out on the other end… (throngs of laughter..ewwww hahahahaha!) Whatever, they are expensive too so I couldn’t afford another one. The crap insurance I get in retirement (I’m 64) has NO dental – so it is all out-of-pocket. After 42 years grinning like a blithering idiot for a major airline, they don’t care What your smile looks like once you’re gone. Could be worse– still have all my other teeth!
I have lots of reason to worry and complain. Every morning I get up and put on glasses, teeth and hearing aids, but I still don’t see myself as old. I look at these as just part of my current living process. Someday I might fix it if I find the money to do so. Or maybe not, it just becomes part of who I am.
Somethings, like ice-skating, I have given up somewhat willingly, because the trade-off isn’t worth it. I have fallen and broken or bruised ribs too many times to know that the pain is not worth the price of participating in some activities. But the rest, walking, hiking, loving the outdoors I will push as hard as I can to keep doing, but I guess that at some point those will fade too. Accepting that is part of the art of aging gracefully, but I won’t give up until I absolutely have to.
“…part of my current living process..” Thank you for that Deborah!
Sorry for the late add, Sophie. I just saw this. “Obsessing about one health issue after another,” as Diana says, just about sums up my life. And I have reason! None of my siblings or parents have had as many surgeries and weird health difficulties as I have. It just never seems to stop. I try to ignore things for the most part – I note them for future reference if it becomes necessary (like a certain pinging in my right abdomen last summer) and then try to move on (in spite of the fact that two of my aunts died of ovarian cancer). A few months later when the pinging didn’t go away I had surgery. No cancer, but scary, good-that-they’re-gone outcome. Like the late Gilda Radner said, it’s always something. I used to try to construct a life of happiness interrupted at times by unhappiness. Now I think the joy is in the spaces between the inevitable unhappinesses. I try to live in those spaces more now. They are what is important! Here’s a wonderful post on positive and negative spaces.
http://www.meanderingsandmuses.com/2010/08/positive-and-negative-spaces-by-toni.html
Life turns on a dime sometimes. Nothing wrong with disorientation and confusion during times of change. Transformation is never comfortable!